My mother has reffered to me as a gay man trapped in a woman's body.
My parents were hippies. I was born in the sixties to an interracial couple. An all out flower-power-ring-of-daisies-in-my-hair-home-made-clothes-peace-sign-necklace-wearing kid. You know the type. Many of my extended family (related by love, not blood) where different races, religions and sexual orientations.
I grew up with aunts that had wives and uncles with husbands. My parents sent me to Quaker school and there I had friends that had 2 mommies and/or 2 daddies. It was no different in my world than having 1 mommy and 1 daddy. Black could be with white, Love was love.
So cut to my teenage years, I was completely drawn to boys/celebrities that (unfortunately) turned out to be gay. Not to say they were feminine. Au contraire! I like a manly man, which they were. And while they thought I was fabulous, I might have been there soul mate if I'd just been a boy... sigh. There was just a certain something an understandning or a connection that I felt with a gay male that just wasn't there usually with the straight ones. But its wasn't by any means a loss, I have a number of really amazing male friends that love me and have no ulteriour motives... lol
So now many (MANY) years later I think I know what I have been looking for all this time.
I want it all!!!!! I want a manly man that can protect me (Grrrr) and cry when our 1st child is born. He can sweep me off my feet, literally, (I'm not a wisp of a girl) and make me melt inside with just a look.
Basically my inner girl has been searching for a romance novel hero. That gruff, manly rouge, with the heart and soul of a poet. Which (in many instances) means he's gay. Gahhhhh!
One of my guilty pleasure is trashy romance reads... the hero's are so flawed and that makes them all the more yummy. They are rough and stubborn, and in the end they are perfect.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Going to the dogs...
I have become totally fixated as of late... With mans best friend.
I have had an overwhelming urge to buy a uber cute wee dog. Uber-cutes being totally in the eye of the beholder, cause I wants to get me a chihuahua. And not just any chihuahua... I am dying for one of those shakey, big old forehead and pop eyed pups... y'know one of those pups that's soooo ugly its cute?
(I know I have issues with the whole "so ugly its cute" thing)
So, I have been pouring over photos of pooches, trying to find (reasonably priced), the next love of my life.
Currently, I am leaning toward getting a light (white or cream) chihuahua and naming it "Susie Cream Cheese" so getting a girl may be a plus, but who says a boy cant bear that moniker?
The history behind this, is that my grandmother had a chihuahua. I big fat one named Ginger. Ginger was spoiled and ate people food every day. My grandmom, would prepare a plate for the dog... Breakfast, lunch and dinner! Her tummy basically dragged on the floor. And boy was she evil. Meanest little dog I've ever run across. I would have thought the cholesterol alone would have done her in, but I'm guessing the reaper wasn't anxious to have her either.
Ginger used to attack my brother on a regular basis. Biting anything on him that she could reach. When she was young, she'd leap in the air to nip at his face. As her girth increased, his Achiles tendon was what she longed for. The dog was ornery, but fortunately used to tolerate me if I laid on the floor and let her sit on my back. I guess, she felt like she was reigning over me that way.
My grandmother had a habit of mixing us up... Yes, me and the dog. I got called Ginger on the regular. To her credit, she always corrected herself... Though I was always waiting for an exasperated "whoever you are!" or "oh, you know your name!"
When I decided I wanted a chihuahua it seemed fitting that it should be named after my grandmother. The added bonus is that "Susie Cream Cheese" was my mom's nickname and it'll totally tweak her nerves if I named my dog that. I'm a total stinker!
Another option is to get a black & white pup male or female and naming it Oreo. For obvious reasons, it would be a funny family joke. I enjoy taking the angst of my childhood and wearing it loud and proud.
Okay just a a sidebar, if my angst reference was too vague, here's the skinny. I am multiracial... black, white, Indian and a whole bunch of other crap. Growing up, I was called an oreo, among other things (fodder for another post) so I claim the word to take the power out of it. Okie back to the puppy...
Color really doesn't matter though (yes, read into that what you will). I really want a petite little guy that I can carry around in a purse when he's full grown... Its so obnoxious... So me. If I can find a really small boy, I give him a name like Killer or Bruiser or Goliath. Yes... I know, I have no sense whatsoever.
Though its not all about the joke. I really want a good dog that I can spoil a bit and take places with me. With their recent rise in popularity in the celebrity realm, purse dogs get let into far more situations that another dog would be banned from.
Chihuahua's are great dogs, they don't take up much room, they can be little box trained, and the usually get on well with cats and kids. The little buggers are great guard dogs. While they can't put a huge hurtin on someone, they'll try if they need to protect their family. Big dog personas trapped in a small dog. Very Napoleon-esque.. wait, another name possibility...
What's not to love with a mug like this?
I have had an overwhelming urge to buy a uber cute wee dog. Uber-cutes being totally in the eye of the beholder, cause I wants to get me a chihuahua. And not just any chihuahua... I am dying for one of those shakey, big old forehead and pop eyed pups... y'know one of those pups that's soooo ugly its cute?
(I know I have issues with the whole "so ugly its cute" thing)
So, I have been pouring over photos of pooches, trying to find (reasonably priced), the next love of my life.
Currently, I am leaning toward getting a light (white or cream) chihuahua and naming it "Susie Cream Cheese" so getting a girl may be a plus, but who says a boy cant bear that moniker?
The history behind this, is that my grandmother had a chihuahua. I big fat one named Ginger. Ginger was spoiled and ate people food every day. My grandmom, would prepare a plate for the dog... Breakfast, lunch and dinner! Her tummy basically dragged on the floor. And boy was she evil. Meanest little dog I've ever run across. I would have thought the cholesterol alone would have done her in, but I'm guessing the reaper wasn't anxious to have her either.
Ginger used to attack my brother on a regular basis. Biting anything on him that she could reach. When she was young, she'd leap in the air to nip at his face. As her girth increased, his Achiles tendon was what she longed for. The dog was ornery, but fortunately used to tolerate me if I laid on the floor and let her sit on my back. I guess, she felt like she was reigning over me that way.
My grandmother had a habit of mixing us up... Yes, me and the dog. I got called Ginger on the regular. To her credit, she always corrected herself... Though I was always waiting for an exasperated "whoever you are!" or "oh, you know your name!"
When I decided I wanted a chihuahua it seemed fitting that it should be named after my grandmother. The added bonus is that "Susie Cream Cheese" was my mom's nickname and it'll totally tweak her nerves if I named my dog that. I'm a total stinker!
Another option is to get a black & white pup male or female and naming it Oreo. For obvious reasons, it would be a funny family joke. I enjoy taking the angst of my childhood and wearing it loud and proud.
Okay just a a sidebar, if my angst reference was too vague, here's the skinny. I am multiracial... black, white, Indian and a whole bunch of other crap. Growing up, I was called an oreo, among other things (fodder for another post) so I claim the word to take the power out of it. Okie back to the puppy...
Color really doesn't matter though (yes, read into that what you will). I really want a petite little guy that I can carry around in a purse when he's full grown... Its so obnoxious... So me. If I can find a really small boy, I give him a name like Killer or Bruiser or Goliath. Yes... I know, I have no sense whatsoever.
Though its not all about the joke. I really want a good dog that I can spoil a bit and take places with me. With their recent rise in popularity in the celebrity realm, purse dogs get let into far more situations that another dog would be banned from.
Chihuahua's are great dogs, they don't take up much room, they can be little box trained, and the usually get on well with cats and kids. The little buggers are great guard dogs. While they can't put a huge hurtin on someone, they'll try if they need to protect their family. Big dog personas trapped in a small dog. Very Napoleon-esque.. wait, another name possibility...
What's not to love with a mug like this?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Remembering
With everything that was going on with hurricane Katrina, I felt that 9/11 got pushed to a back burner. When that tragedy occured, I made the following post to my website:
We the people...
...the land of the free and the home of the brave
One nation under God indivisible...
Our nation faced a great tragedy on September 11th 2001.Terrorists attacked and destroyed the World Trade Center, killing thousands of civilians.A short time later they attacked the Pentagon, also ending hundreds of lives.
During the rescue effort at the World Trade Center, extreme structural damage caused both towers to collapse. Hundreds of police, fire fighters and rescue personnel lost their lives.
Americans and visitors of all nationalities perished on Tuesday...... African American, Caucasian, Indian, Latin, European, Asian, Middle Eastern and countless others.
We were targeted by a terrorist group, not a country, not a race of people.
As Americans, it now is the time to come togetherand show our assailants our unflinching spirit.We are one nation....of brothers and sisters, of mothers and fathers, of husbands and wives,of sons and daughters, of friends and neighbors.
Show the world what it means to be American!
Strength In Unity
Where were you that day, what were you doing when you found out? I was on the phone with a girlfriend when I got another call to turn on the television. I switched over and told her to turn on the TV. We sat on the phone silent, staring in disbelief, trying to make sense of what was we were seeing. We didn't know our lives were about to change... then, the second plane hit and the realization set in.
We quickly got off the phone.
I called everyone I knew, everywhere, not just in New York. My father and best friend both worked in highrise buildings in Philadelphia.
I was frantic.
I sat stunned for hours watching the television. Worried about countless people I didn't even know. I cried as I watched... I cried for days... I still cry when I think on it too long.
It was a moment in history... one that should be given a moment, acknowledged, and remembered.
We the people...
...the land of the free and the home of the brave
One nation under God indivisible...
Our nation faced a great tragedy on September 11th 2001.Terrorists attacked and destroyed the World Trade Center, killing thousands of civilians.A short time later they attacked the Pentagon, also ending hundreds of lives.
During the rescue effort at the World Trade Center, extreme structural damage caused both towers to collapse. Hundreds of police, fire fighters and rescue personnel lost their lives.
Americans and visitors of all nationalities perished on Tuesday...... African American, Caucasian, Indian, Latin, European, Asian, Middle Eastern and countless others.
We were targeted by a terrorist group, not a country, not a race of people.
As Americans, it now is the time to come togetherand show our assailants our unflinching spirit.We are one nation....of brothers and sisters, of mothers and fathers, of husbands and wives,of sons and daughters, of friends and neighbors.
Show the world what it means to be American!
Strength In Unity
Where were you that day, what were you doing when you found out? I was on the phone with a girlfriend when I got another call to turn on the television. I switched over and told her to turn on the TV. We sat on the phone silent, staring in disbelief, trying to make sense of what was we were seeing. We didn't know our lives were about to change... then, the second plane hit and the realization set in.
We quickly got off the phone.
I called everyone I knew, everywhere, not just in New York. My father and best friend both worked in highrise buildings in Philadelphia.
I was frantic.
I sat stunned for hours watching the television. Worried about countless people I didn't even know. I cried as I watched... I cried for days... I still cry when I think on it too long.
It was a moment in history... one that should be given a moment, acknowledged, and remembered.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
What's in a word....
Refugee:
one that flees; especially: a person who flees to a foreign country or power to escape danger or persecution
Why is it that during any other disaster in U.S. history, the victims have been called just that, victims? During a mass exodus they are oft times called evacuees. But not until 2/3 of them are African American does the term refugee come into play.
The devastation of New Orleans and surrounding areas brings to light an interesting topic of how far we've come.
The news outlets have shown images of looters and lawlessness. It's true that there were people taking advantage, but there were far more that are hungry, hurt and trying to survive.
Was it the images that were seen that made people think of the word refugee? Yes these people were fleeing, but from a storm, not a country. While it may have been technically accurate, the word had never been used that way before... Was it the images of minorities walking through a devastated wasteland? If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck then it, must me a duck? If so, then everyone needs to take a good hard look at themselves.
If it looks like a bigot and sounds like a bigot... Well, how fair is that?
It doesn't matter how innocent the faux pas was originally and how many people thought it was acceptable to jump in and use the word. The problem is that it took the people that were offended, primarily the African American community, to point out why it was offensive and ask for it to be stopped.
There are so many words that have hurt. One group hasn't cornered the market. Weather to describe a minority, a lifestyle, a belief, a look, a size, or a gender, words that defame and breed ill will are wrong and poisonous to our society.
There have been words stricken from most everyone's vocabulary as "derogatory" but any word can be derogatory with the proper intent.
I am bi-racial, and as a child I referred to myself by a common term.
If you don't know the term, I'm not gonna teach it to you. Count yourself uber cool to not have that information in your mental rolodex.
Anyway, I used this term with pride what I was when they asked “what are you?” (oh, and that question is fodder for another post - I'm big on fodder you'l come to learn). It was until my teen years that I discovered the term I had been using was derogatory. Much like a term given to African Americans… which I had also been called, fortunately I knew THAT one was a bad so I didn't ever use it to describe myself.
Can you imagine a child calling themselves by a derogatory term because that's all they new? And even better, that's all anyone knew? For me, no other word existed and since everyone used it I assumed that it was the right word.
The message is simple, choose your words, think before you speak. Hell, think before you think. Words can hurt and do irreparable damage. It doesn't matter if its a question of race, class, religion sexuality or gender, everyone has biases... its how you process them that's important. If you recognize it and squash it before it does any damage then you're doing your part. No one can really ask for more.
The response to the crisis in New Orleans spoke volumes, it was a comment on class as well as race. The government has responded that there was a breakdown in communication at one point even saying that New Orleans didn't ask for assistance right away. Um - I think they were a bit busy and didn't realize they needed to make that call.
There have been many devastating events natural and otherwise in America in our recent history.
Devastation, caused by earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, mudslides, fires and much more. These events effected primarily affluent and Caucasian populations and the response time was never at question.
Today, September 11th, marks an incredibly devastating event... The destruction of the twin towers. The images of people walking through the rubble in New York caked in white ash were burned in the hearts and souls of all Americans. There has never been anything that looked more like war and people walking from the city tired, hurt and dirty could have brought to mind similar descriptions as it did for New Orleans, but it didn't.
Victims, evacuees... they somehow those words give more respect to their subject. The most amazing part of all of this is that if the people in New Orleans had actually been refugees, they may have gotten more of a response from our government.
sigh.
one that flees; especially: a person who flees to a foreign country or power to escape danger or persecution
Why is it that during any other disaster in U.S. history, the victims have been called just that, victims? During a mass exodus they are oft times called evacuees. But not until 2/3 of them are African American does the term refugee come into play.
The devastation of New Orleans and surrounding areas brings to light an interesting topic of how far we've come.
The news outlets have shown images of looters and lawlessness. It's true that there were people taking advantage, but there were far more that are hungry, hurt and trying to survive.
Was it the images that were seen that made people think of the word refugee? Yes these people were fleeing, but from a storm, not a country. While it may have been technically accurate, the word had never been used that way before... Was it the images of minorities walking through a devastated wasteland? If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck then it, must me a duck? If so, then everyone needs to take a good hard look at themselves.
If it looks like a bigot and sounds like a bigot... Well, how fair is that?
It doesn't matter how innocent the faux pas was originally and how many people thought it was acceptable to jump in and use the word. The problem is that it took the people that were offended, primarily the African American community, to point out why it was offensive and ask for it to be stopped.
There are so many words that have hurt. One group hasn't cornered the market. Weather to describe a minority, a lifestyle, a belief, a look, a size, or a gender, words that defame and breed ill will are wrong and poisonous to our society.
There have been words stricken from most everyone's vocabulary as "derogatory" but any word can be derogatory with the proper intent.
I am bi-racial, and as a child I referred to myself by a common term.
If you don't know the term, I'm not gonna teach it to you. Count yourself uber cool to not have that information in your mental rolodex.
Anyway, I used this term with pride what I was when they asked “what are you?” (oh, and that question is fodder for another post - I'm big on fodder you'l come to learn). It was until my teen years that I discovered the term I had been using was derogatory. Much like a term given to African Americans… which I had also been called, fortunately I knew THAT one was a bad so I didn't ever use it to describe myself.
Can you imagine a child calling themselves by a derogatory term because that's all they new? And even better, that's all anyone knew? For me, no other word existed and since everyone used it I assumed that it was the right word.
The message is simple, choose your words, think before you speak. Hell, think before you think. Words can hurt and do irreparable damage. It doesn't matter if its a question of race, class, religion sexuality or gender, everyone has biases... its how you process them that's important. If you recognize it and squash it before it does any damage then you're doing your part. No one can really ask for more.
The response to the crisis in New Orleans spoke volumes, it was a comment on class as well as race. The government has responded that there was a breakdown in communication at one point even saying that New Orleans didn't ask for assistance right away. Um - I think they were a bit busy and didn't realize they needed to make that call.
There have been many devastating events natural and otherwise in America in our recent history.
Devastation, caused by earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, mudslides, fires and much more. These events effected primarily affluent and Caucasian populations and the response time was never at question.
Today, September 11th, marks an incredibly devastating event... The destruction of the twin towers. The images of people walking through the rubble in New York caked in white ash were burned in the hearts and souls of all Americans. There has never been anything that looked more like war and people walking from the city tired, hurt and dirty could have brought to mind similar descriptions as it did for New Orleans, but it didn't.
Victims, evacuees... they somehow those words give more respect to their subject. The most amazing part of all of this is that if the people in New Orleans had actually been refugees, they may have gotten more of a response from our government.
sigh.
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