Okay, so this has nothing to do with the Mayan calendar doomsday crap.
No, the fact is, that every time a read a story on Sandy Hook, I fall apart. I start crying. I feel lost. It's not that this tragedy was the worst... yes, it pained me more than I can articulate, but no less than any other horrific happening in my lifetime.
It was however, my tipping point. I always held some faith in humanity and believed that somehow everything would be okay in a big picture kind of way. But Sandy Hook was the proverbial straw...
There are evil, damaged, sick, insane, and disturbed people among us and even more waiting to be born. Men, women and children, some with well thought out ill intents, others, living in a haze of mental illness that could snap at any moment.
It could be at a school, an office, the mall, church, on vacation, the subway, in a park, ... It could be inside your own house.
I have know for some time they were there, but is it just me, or are their numbers growing?
Are they reproducing? Is their something in our pesticides or the million other chemicals we expose ourselves to that is attacking human decency?
I don't have any answers, but I have to say that I have officially lost my innocence... it's not coming back. I guess I did pretty good holding onto it for over 40 years...
It sucks that I feel this way. I now see the possibility of a random act of violence, playing into my longevity. I was so much cheerier when all I had to contend with was a family history of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, stroke and Alzheimer's.
The odds will probably just get worse. People are getting more twisted and we feed their sicknesses and provide them with ample means to their ends.
But this is it, my feeble stand. I won't hide-out, worried that the Big Bad is going to get me. I am not going to arm myself "just in case". There is no point. I could lead a great life, do everything right, know what to do in every worst-case-scenario and I could still wind up a skin suit for some psycho... or caught in some random killing spree as I go to buy a pack of gum.. or yes, I could get lucky and live to be 90 (but hey, refer back to family history and let's be real).
Either way, all this reinforces, that if I only have today... or if I have another 40+ years, there is no way to predict how or when I shall meet my demise. So, I will err on the side of caution and live the days that I do have, the best I can... and do all the things good (and bad) that I would be pissed about not having done... if the reaper were circling.
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